i'm not proud to admit this, but i've been on match.com for about 7 months now. i paid for 6 and obviously since i have not met my match, was granted 6 more for free.
oh really...they shouldn't have.
anyway, in the past 7 months i've gotten quite a few crazy messages.
one of the things i'm looking for in my match is a great pair of vintage levi's. this is merely a metaphor, however, most have chosen to take it literally, messaging me with original one liners such as "hey there, i don't have levi's, but how about a pair of great italian diesels?" as if i'm supposed to be impressed because they referenced italian (the ill-educated man's assumption that only italy can do menswear) and deisel (italian brand that used to be the go-to for amazing jeans...before seven for all mankind made $200 denim accessible to the masses).
on my profile, i also have it listed that i do NOT want to have kids. again...i'm 26 (going to be 27) years old. part of this desire to not have children is out of sheer vanity (i have no desire to get fat and saggy...especially since i can't afford a personal trainer and do not have the space for a pilates reformer in my ridiculously tiny albeit cute manhattan living room) part of it is out of sheer selfishness (had i had any spare change lying around i would much rather be contributing to the 'buy katie a mui mui fund' instead of the 'send little timmy to an ivy league foundation') but the majority of it is the simple fact that the world is filled with crazies and i couldn't with clean conscience bring an innocent person into the craziness. i would be filled sick with worry day in and day out and would most likely give up sleeping for fear that if i closed my eyes or let timmy out of the house for a second something terrible and traumatic would most likely occur.
that said, if i did some day meet the man of my dreams or my 401k should not prove sufficient and i need a more solid retirement plan i would not be opposed to pulling a brangelina and adopting a small chocolate child from africa.
apparently email@example.com felt a bit more strongly than i as i got THIS in my inbox sunday morning:
Finally!! A female that does NOT have or necessarily want kids. Yahoo! You are a very unique female, and I mean that in a true complimentary sense. :)I just signed up on Match, but to be honest, I think I'm going to cancel within the first 3 days. Why? Because as feared, there simply aren't enough CHILDFREE women on here. Indeed, I've had soooooooo much trouble trying to find somebody that does NOT have or want kids, I even created my own 100% free KIDFREE / CHILDFREE dating site:IdoNOTwantKids ( dot ) c-o-m. I'm letting you know upfront about my site to evidence that I am sincere and not wasting your time. Feel free to create a profile on my site if you want. Heck, you never know who you might find! Anyway, if you are interested in perhaps meeting for a friendly cup of coffee in a totally public place, please get back in touch with me. The best way to reach me is via my website. Likewise, to show you I am NOT playing games like the vast majority of people online or that this is not some bogus baloney spam message, you can also visit my personal website which is my last name: PUZZELE ( dot ) c-o-m. It will tell you LOTS more about me. My email is: IdoNOTwantKids (at) gmail (dot) c-o-m. Hopefully I will hear from you. However, I would not waste your time responding to me here on Match since I'm probably just going to cancel my membership and not be able to read your message.Best regards and I hope to hear from you,Christopher M. Puzzele, Esq.
i really don't know how to even respond to this one. other than that for crazies...he takes the cake.
and the fact that he's from jersey...doesn't really come as a surprise.